“Some things are so sad that only your soul can do the crying for them. Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears” - wrote Gregory David Roberts in the epic semi autobiography – Shantaram, which was largely about Bombay – Sapno ka nagri. A few days of stay at Mumbai and you realize the source of inspiration of the above line.
Dreams are bound to disappoint. But what is life without dreams. What is Bombay without its people, their dreams and the stories they weave. Bombay might be a speck in the humongous galactic cosmos. But, looking inwards rather than outwards opens door to a bigger world - The resilience of Mumbaikars. People of variegated backgrounds striving to achieve the Bombay dream. Few succeed, few others fail. But what plays out is a symphony. Life here like other places is like a puppet show whose strings are attached to each other and controlled by the supreme law of universe – Causality. But it takes a place like Mumbai to realize this. This is a place where every street cries of ‘Esse Est Percepi’ (To be is to be perceived). This is a place where castles (Both literally as well as metaphorically) are found both in the air as well as on the beach. This is a place where ‘we laugh at a monkey dance, until we realise that we are someone’s monkey. A place where many come to make names for themselves, but majority need to be content by doing so on the beaches sand.
The first thing you notice about Mumbai is the evident stark inequality. A look out of the airplane window shows images of large skyscrapers surrounded by dimly lit low rise buildings – Jhoppadpatti, that are a source of tourism to the city of Bombay. Bombay is like third world and a first world countries existing side by side like brethren. This has been the theme of inspiration of many a movies and novels, apart from the story of the Underworld. After establishing my safety by professing my love for the city, lets move to take a satirical dig at it while hoping to avoid any brushes with the MNS.
Bombay has boom in producing human beings, of which 99% are born in Dharavi (Read slum) and streets. It is also known for producing billionaires (top 6th city in the world) who don’t consider themselves humans, but a species above – just by staying in high rise buildings. The city was founded when a huge "Bomb" exploded in a "Bay" off the coast of Arabian Sea. The name was later changed to Mum-Bai (Bai is local language word for maid) as a tribute to Bai’s who take care of children due to rise in double income families.
This is a city where Ricks have more space than houses. Where things are for sale by the homeless, but smiles are free. Where angels (Children) become devils and devils are seen as angels (Dons).
The city of Bombay consistently performs stellar in economic and growth indices (FDI, Contribution to Direct Tax), GINI co-efficient being one among these. This abysmal co-efficient has in turn boosted tourism to the city wherein people come in awe to witness two sets of different class of humans co-existing side by side. But one Marathi manoos decided to take matters into hands, literally. His solution to improve Gini Index was to expunge out “those Biharis”.
Another stark difference in Mumbai is that between South and North Mumbai. Just like Westeros, South Mumbai is beautiful and its inhabitants filthy rich. North is vast, yet highly neglected. It has to deal with influx from “Northies” who come in droves, but avoid the South due to harsh unsuitable climate (read living expenses). Central Mumbai, like Riverlands is the most fertile with many corporate offices. Navi Mumbai can be uncannily linked as Essos, where “developments” have taken of late. Also it is separated by the mainland by an ocean creek. These differences have led to quite a few nicknames like townies, So-Bo. South Bombaikers aka SoBo’s think that Shivaji is India’s president. SoBo be lyk: There is a zaara store outlet in the suburbs. It is good for real estate prices there. SoBo’s version of living dangerously is eating Pani Puri wherein water is used from Evion water bottle, Travelling in local (oly upto Elphinstone, coz its mad max fury beyond that), staying for a night at Borivalli, going to Andheri when it rains. They even post this on FB as achievements.
SoBo’s be like : GF lives in Andheri, long distance is tuff bro. U don’t have a swimming pool in ur building, what a slave!
Townies be lyk: We need 2 make a rule that subs can come to town only twice a year. Jst kidding. We need domestic help and dog care takers.
No article on Mumbai can be complete without the mention of Mumbai’s own Mad Max fury – local trains. Darr ke agee jeet hai, Dadar (a local station) ke agee seat hai sums it up. Travelling to suburbs in the local is lyk royal rumble.
The local trains of Bombay were created as a masterstroke to reduce inequality. At peak times, it records utility of 205.744 humans per square inch. There is no guarantee with what you are gonna come out of the local train. You might lose your mobile or wallet. Sometimes need to check if your hands and legs are still in their places. But one would never lose their bag, even incase u forget one, due to an event that happened in 2008. This has led to the local trains being used as safety deposit compartments.
Mumbai's suburban rail systems carried a total of 6.3 million passengers every day in 2007, which was more than half of the Indian Railways daily carrying capacity.
Virar express trains, your journey towards exit begins as soon as you board the train. It doesn’t matter how long your journey is. Getting safely out at your intended station is like a James Bond mission with all the suspense, action and tricks. Facebook had toyed with idea of “Safe Markings” to people travelling in this train, but then had to shelve it after people started updating after every passing station, much to the ire of other Facebook users.
All is not that bad though. The train ride sometimes throws at you surprising things, quite literally. For instance - ferocious water jet from a broken pipe. There is no escaping this, just like coz you have no space to move and avoid it. All you can do is take a deep breath and wait for the cool jet stream to drench you. All this excitement for hardly 5-20 bucks a ride.
Mumbai local is example of reverse subsidy. The poor of north subsidise the rich of south for empty trains travelling south. Perhaps Piketty could flag this as testimony of his theories.
Bachelors here need to either step up or own up to reality. Coz there is a mob urban khap panchayat in Mumbai that treats single men and women as sub degenerate. These are the shopkeepers, café owners, taxi drivers, that creepy person at bus stop, bouncers.
Mumbai has also displayed ingenuity in the housing sector with the concept of 1RK. Basically, you stay in a kitchen. The place is so constrained of housing that only two people own houses here – BigB and Bala Saheb and sons. Even demand supply isn’t sufficient to explain the rent here. Parents look for suitable matches to their children by enquiring whether the person has a balcony.
Places of visit :
Marine Drive : A treat to eyes as you witness beautiful ‘scenes’. Both by nature as well as man made. Place where people don’t want a roof on their car, even while most in the city struggle to get over their heads to sleep.
Deonar dumping ground : Witness the spectacle of fire and marvel of human waste right in the heart of Mumbai. The trip guarantees you a trip down apocalypse. You might also get to watch action filled fire fighting scenes armed with water that the farmers of Marathwada have contributed to the spectacle.
Leopold Cafe : Visit this less than average Café Just for updating the check-in on FB
CST : Go witness the biggest sex change operation Mumbai has faced when its name changed from Victoria terminus to Chatrapathi Shivaji Terminus.
Chor Bazaar : All Dhoom fans go there, and stay there for the sake of humanity.
CCD : Cheapest cafe on Marine Drive. A must visit place for all the aspiring actors from small town.
Lokhandwala : So that u can say u were involved in the shootout of Lokhandwala.
Haji Ali juice center : Situated next to a place of worship where people come to ask for help. Feel helpless by staring at menu card with prices of Rs. 300 for a glass of juice. Maybe, they add gold powder into it. Nobody really knows.
Dharavi : Located in central Mumbai and houses between 800,000 and one million people in 2.39 square kilometres, making it one of the most densely populated areas on Earth with a population density of at least 334,728 persons per square kilometre. With a literacy rate of 69%, the slums in Mumbai are the most literate in India. No satire here. The above description was picked from Wikipedia.
Few places and their literal translation :
Andheri : Dark Place
Curry road :
Wada La : Gimme vada
Bhay-andar : Big Brother Inside
Chow-patti : Four Cards
Dahi-sar : Curd Sambar
Wan-khade : Vans are standing
Horni-mon Circle : Horny Man Circle
Elphinstone Road : Elf in a stone road?
Mumbai is a city, but Bombay is an experience.
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